


All these words I don't just say

by Blue_Bones



Series: Just Breathe [1]
Category: Figure Skating RPF
Genre: Angst, Blood and Injury, Emotional, F/M, Flashbacks, Hurt, Memories, Mentions of Blood, Sad, Tessa Virtue POV, virtue and moir - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-03
Updated: 2018-06-03
Packaged: 2019-05-17 18:15:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,460
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14836737
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Blue_Bones/pseuds/Blue_Bones
Summary: Scott's not answering his mum's phone calls. Tess knows something is wrong.





	All these words I don't just say

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Phoenixstein (harscrow)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/harscrow/gifts).



> I wanted to write something else about them for a while (my Hogwarts AU is a still a WIP) and nothing seemed right. I was looking at wrong ideas.  
> I'm not English and I didn't have a beta, this time, so every mistake is mine and I'm sorry about it.  
> I still hope you'll enjoy it.  
> Leave a kudos is you like it. Comments are very appreciated.

Her watch was slowly ticking, driving her crazy while she was driving through Montreal, a bit of anxiety creeping in, slowly tickling her skin. Scott wasn’t answering his phone, his mum has said to her not more than five minutes prior. They didn’t have plans for the night and she had just seen him during practice that morning.

She hated looking needy or clingy, but it wasn’t a Scott thing to do. He always had time for his family, especially his mother.

Tessa had not experienced anxiety in years, she knew the symptoms though. She was trying so hard to control her breathing, but without Scott presence, it was hard. She had thought about coming or not for about five minutes, pacing while Scott’s mum talked to about the dozen missed calls since the late afternoon. Tessa knew he could be with a girl, she wasn’t so naive to think he was holding a candle for her or something, whatever the internet was about. As much as she hated the idea of catching him having sex with somebody, she was pretty sure it wasn’t the case.  
They usually had this feeling, every time one of them was feeling off or was coming up with the flu, and Tessa felt ten times worse while parking near Scott’s car.

 

The condo was unusually quiet and yet the silence was so loud she knew something happened. She was just hoping to be proven wrong. Hell, she could even handle him banging some unknown girl.

She heard someone yelling to call the police but it felt like she wasn’t really processing anything. Her focus only on running towards Scott’s door, as fast as she could. But the door was wide open. The flat was clear, but her heart was beating too fast to be a good sign.

She barely noticed the people on the other side of the corridor a couple of doors before, she must have missed it before, another door half opened and a growing crowd of people surrounding someone on the floor, and a woman with a baby. They were both crying.

Tessa’s eyes zeroed on the floor covered in blood. So much blood.

And she just knew.

Her heart dropped. Her breath taken away.

She sprinted towards the other door, pushing people aside to have a confirmation of what she already knew.

 

Her brain went blank. She felt herself crouch down beside the limp body of her best friend. The words of the woman barely being registered by her brain. A weird fog hugging his thoughts.

  

_A thief broke into the house, the baby saw him and started screaming, I run to him unprepared and just froze. Mr. Moir was just coming home and heard my cry of panic. He runs so fast and the door was already open. The man with the hood turned around, a gun pointed in Scott’s general direction. I started crying. He was such a nice neighbor. He just tried to help them out, yelling to catch the other neighbors attention. But he was in the thief's way._

_A shot through the heart. And he collapsed on the floor, blood flowing out of his body like an overflowing horror bath._

_The thief was on the run._

_The ambulance was on his way, but he was already passed out and his heartbeat was so faint._

 

 

Tessa felt the urge to punch the woman, just to shut her up, but her body wasn’t responding.

The paramedics and the police were now crowding the hallway too. She felt like screaming, but her voice was lost, her hands were shaking. She managed to move one of them to hold Scott's hand. It wasn’t lifeless, yet, but she could feel his hand cold on hers.

And she couldn't even pray. She didn’t know who to pray to.

 

They asked her to move, but she couldn’t and she didn’t want to.

“I’m his girlfriend” she lied easily. She would face the consequences later, now she didn’t care. She couldn't trust herself to drive the car to the hospital. She could feel the paramedic talking to her. She let him walk her to the ambulance and she sat near one of them and she let them handle her and cover her with what looked like reflecting wrapping paper. She was pretty sure it wasn't.  
Her eyes were stuck to the ECG machine. Scott’s heartbeat was stable but faint. He was slowly fading away and she couldn't handle it.  
  
People were talking to her, while she was repeating that she wasn't there. That she wanted to see him, but he was in surgery, doctors were trying to save his life. He wasn't dead. “Yet”, she overheard one of the paramedics, the other one shooting him a warning glare.  
His blood loss has been huge and the bullet was still inside keeping him from a total blood loss or something. She wasn’t a doctor, unfortunately, since she wanted nothing more than to be in there with him. But she had to call his mum and her mum and tell them and listen them cry and scream and cry again, her heart unable to feel a thing, her voice calm and collected when she said to them she had purchased plane tickets for the Moir clan and for her mum and sister, because she needed support. She didn’t tell that to them.

She told them he was severely injured, but she kept to herself how he was really in critical conditions.

 

She sat in the waiting room for hours, alone, waiting. Her body rigid and her eyes unfocused.

 

_She was almost eight when they met each other for the first time. Tiny and scrawny, the both of them. He was easy going and active, and he made her blush, without knowing it. He was too young. So young, in fact, that he couldn't wrap his mind around the fact that she made him shy and blushy like a schoolgirl with a crush. He discovered that schoolgirls were smart and funny and lot more. Especially Tess. He eventually conceded that he had a crush on her._

_They barely talked during practice. Clammy hands holding each other while they trained to be the best team in the world._

_They were at the Ilderton Carnival, their parents around, but not embarrassing close to them._

_Scott looked so nervous she felt like throwing up. It was a thing already, back then._

_Ten years old Scott grabbing her hand like during practice, and blushing furiously, head down, eyes up, studying her face. Her stomach was upside down. What was he doing, anyway? Her face opened into a smile she didn’t feel coming until it was on her face._

_Scott was dragging her through the Carnival and next thing she knew he planted a lip closed, chaste, kiss, on her lips. Her eyes wide open in surprise._

_Her parents had found them soon after, the kids both looking down hands separated, even if her hands were itching to hold his hand again._

 

Her eyes were burning, but she couldn’t cry. She was waiting for her mum to arrive. Counting down the minutes. Checking his clock and looking in the general direction of the surgery door.

 

_Ten-year-old Scott broke up with her two weeks after the Carnival. She stood by the phone listening to his babbling speech. Their practices, after The Event were awful. The two of them too embarrassed to talk about it, or talk at all, their movements sloppy and a dangerous lack of focus. Also, it was their parent's fault. Or so he said. She was still sad all day because Scott was the person she had the most fun with anyway. He was hysterical back in the days too._

_She soon found out that friendship with Scott meant a good job at the rink, winning competitions, sharing everything with someone who wasn’t family by blood. And it was so much better than every possible sloppy and awkward kiss, not only with Scott but in general._

_The feel of squeezing his hands when she was too nervous. His protective attitude towards her. His cold hand on her forehead when the anxiety made throw up. His other and keeping her hair out of the way and gently massaging her scalp to calm her down._

_Scott was never like a brother to him, never a best friend, but never a real boyfriend. It was something more and completely different. More like when they skated together. Just two pieces needing each other to function properly._

_Always protective of each other, always happy for each other success, no matter how small. But it was just better when it was a shared success. It was like knowing that everything was always going to be fine._

 

Obviously, nothing was okay. And Tessa was mad at Scott, even if it wasn’t his fault, even if she loved how caring and kind he was. She could feel cold, and emptiness and pain where Scott thoughts were on her body. Which was basically everywhere. It was like a phantom pain. Scott was the part of her body that was lost.

 

They achieved everything together. They were trying to be amazing out of the competitions after PyeongChang and Tessa knew they were. Still joined at the hip. Still half of a whole. Still something weird in-between labels.

 

_Her injury and her first surgery and post-op, were the only weeks they stopped talking._

_It was weirdly easy, so she thought they weren’t as codependent as other were saying._

_She felt guilty because her legs were causing such a step back on Scott’s career. He felt guilty because he didn’t instantly refuse Marina’s ideas to make him train with other girls._

_So he stopped talking to her. Rejected Marina’s pressure to try to find a new partner and find other ways to practice without Tess._

_It was still weird and awkward and imperfect after that and Carmen was the worst thing. Because the pent-up frustration and guilt were always making an appearance. And because Scott’s hands were estranged to her body, now. And they made her feel things she should have felt. Not for his business partner._

_And Carmen was glorious and disastrous at the same time._

 

_And Sochi was even worse._

 

Her mind was still lost, but she had heard noises coming her way. She stood up, ready as she could ever be, to face the Moir and her own family. It lasted a moment, a grave stare between all of them, a split of second before she felt her senses switching from total shock to the worst panic she ever experienced. **He’s dying** , was the only thing she knew at that moment. She fell on the hospital floor, her body giving up. And while her sister was frantically asking for help, she thought it was just fair. Her chest was in pain and her heart was hurting. They were trying to take her away from the waiting room but she couldn’t. She couldn’t leave him alone. Her ragged breath was making her head spin and she was feeling dizzy, but it was so much worse than a regular panic attack.

It was like her heart was breaking. And her whole body was shutting down.

Her eyes could only see white dots multiplying and all of a sudden all went black.

 

_She eventually conceded she had a long-term crush on Scott the first time she saw him. And it never changed. No matter how little they would touch at the beginning, being respectful of each other boundaries. No matter how handsy and affectionate they had become after their comeback, during the Olympics. They had talked to marriage counselors and all the deal long before that. They kept being open about other things, but their feeling for each other was to be buried deep for the sake of their careers, family, and friends. It had also something to do with how long they had gone ignoring the elephant in the room and how, they shared during movie night, weird it would have felt to change things after all the years._

_They were trying to e fair with each other. Where they in love? Or they simply loved each other? Was it both? What was it? Why it felt so normal to be in each other personal pace? Was the years of training? Was it something else?_

 

She opened her eyes slowly, the hospital lights hurting her eyes, her cheeks sticky. She had cried. But when? She didn’t know.

How was Scott? No answer. Still in surgery. She tried to stand up, her legs like jelly, the doctor advised her to stay in bed, since she had been sedated and she could experience dizziness.

She thanked him and left the room. The Moir’s family stood up when the saw her back. Scott’s mum took a few steps to hug her close. And they both started crying into each other shoulder.

  


Twenty-eight hours later, Tessa was the only one in the room with Scott. Her clammy hand holding onto Scott’s one.

He has been still all night, his heart regular and better. He still looked dead, but Tessa had finally been able to fall asleep four hours after the surgery.

 _Tess, Tess, wake up Tess._ She was dreaming of him, calling her, nickname only, as always.

She could almost feel his thumb caressing the back of her hand.

 _Tess?_ And he was so faint, now and his voice so little, that she woke up, scared to death.

Scott's eyes were bearly open, glossy and tired, but he was talking to her.

So she started sobbing and crying so loud she was sure she was alarming their family.

Scott caressed her hand slowly and it looked like he was using all the energy he had. So she took his hands in hers and stopped him.

“I’m here. I’m here, Scotty. I’m not going anywhere.” She said, choking on her own words. “I’m here.” She repeated. “With you.”

“I’m in love with you, too, kiddo.” He breathed.

“I don’t think I’m allowed to kiss you, Scott, even if you tried to die on me.” She replied, her voice still a bit broken.

“I want to kiss you, and make love to you, and marry you, T.” She was pretty sure he was high on pain medications.

“You are so high, Scotty-boy. You are going to regret this.” She tried to laugh it off.

“Not this kiddo. Never this. We’ll stop running. And I’ll stop thinking about how much I love you and how much I regret not being with you, the next time I’m about to die.” She couldn’t argue with that.

“There will not be a next time, Scott.” But he was already asleep.  

  



End file.
